My Monday notes: Because no one is problem-free and why we (maybe) need to have a cellphone-diet

“The test will judge your ability to think about things other than celebrity marriages, whether you’ll be easily persuaded by empty political rhetoric; and whether you’ll be able to place your life and your community in broader context. The test will last your entire life, and it will compromised of the millions of decisions that, when taken together, make your life yours. And everything-everything-will be on it!” – John Green

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Well! Life without cellphone is somehow so much better. At least I am studying more, and see awesome lecturer videos. Until I saw this awesome John Green video for one crashcourse video. Well, John Green… I think it is always easy for us to like this kind of person. He is one of my favorite (you should check him out if you haven’t know about what he done and even who is he 🙂 ).

As I told you yesterday, I just started my “Cellphone Diet”. Because this small awesome smart phone really convenient and make me addicted… and keep staring on it… and then stressed myself because it is easily accessed any social media and similar… and I keep comparing myself with other people because I felt like “WOW! Why other people is nothing but so much better than me?!” While… maybe not!

So, pfffttt…. enough. I love you my cellphone but sorry… maybe mmmm we need to make a clear distance now.

Yes! I think everyone are also struggling by their own matters, their own “test”, but somehow our “new world” is insist us to always look okay! Look cool! Look “hey, I am more than you!”. If A is success, so I need to show I do better…. if B is having a bad day, so I need to show I am worse. Wait! Oh this is crazy. Life itself, at least for me, is not a competition. Because we have different problems, different starting point, and maybe different finish line. We are just different… our task is to be nice and kind to any other people, support between each other, not goin’ crazy to compare between each other. Huffft! THAT’S TIRING!

So, stop it. And I want to stop it…. I want to quit from this crazy society game, because it becomes more like a psychological games and it feels like Jigsaw asked me “Do you want to play a game?” of course no… not kind of this “game”.

So, I challenge myself that at least within this week, when I go outside my home, I WILL NOT bring my cellphone. But I will always bring my tiny pocket camera to take pics about what I saw. Also, I will write the update every day on this blog.

So, what I got without my cellphone today.
Surprisingly, many things… and it was fun!

The sky is good, some clouds… but today was so hot and it might be one of the highest temperature during this month. Tokyo was 34C and Tsukuba was 32C. But remember, humidity! Pfffttttt…. Japan is very humid during summer and I wonder at least it is one of the main problem of all Japanese during summer. So, the real feel of the temperature were in 35-39C. That’s crazy.

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Indonesia is hot, but when the humidity is high but, at least in my hometown, rainfall also very high. So, it is not really killing. Closer to equator area… of course it is also hot but it is more like “Grilling” you than “steaming” you like in Japan. So, Indonesian are still survive even if they don’t have air conditioner in their house. Mmmm… beside almost all of us also can’t afford the price hehehehe. But, it might be something you not really notice right about Indonesia. Yeah! Come to visit then.

Then, I started to wondering what’s wrong with me… why my productivity is decreased recently!?! WHY! Then I notice that one problem is MY DESK IS SO MESSY
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This is important actually… if you think you become lazier recently, you should check your desk and your home first. If they are messy, it will reduce your mood to do your work.
“But, I always messy… so it might be no problem for me”
Trust me, it is one psychology research. Well… while it is not bad to make everything tidy.
Yes, put your phone for a while and do your desk.

The result, I made up my homework from my Sensei (although I haven’t finish all yet),
I learn about agricultural economics,
I learn about R programming,
Well… that’s not really bad for today.
I wrote a letter for my penpal.

On the lunch break, I took my bicycle and go around. It has been a long time since I am not hunting photos around. I am curious how to take a good photo using a low-end pocket camera. So, let’s get it on!
I took this photo today….
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I think that’s one is so beautiful… I really love it.
I love the bee, the color of the flower.
So many beautiful things around, and it feels like I didn’t notice it before.

Are you feel tired to compare yourself with any other people?
You also welcome to join my diet 😀 hehehe…
I think it will be okay for the world waiting for our text reply a bit longer.

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A story behind a snowy day

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“Not one word, not one gesture of yours shall I, could I, ever forget…”
― Leo Tolstoy

Just finished my research presentation. In one word: “meh”
I thought it was a little progress, in fact? Nope… I still need to learn another bunch of text books and mathematical modelling.

“No, Marissa… you can’t use this one.”
“Mmm… you should modify all of the model…”
“Well, we should think how to construct everything further. Okay… forget this agriculture part and forestry, move on to the energy sector. Finish it first, one journal, then we construct for the agriculture and forestry”

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.
.
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“I can see your hard work, well… I know you can overcome all of these. We just need time and we have it, don’t you think so?”

The last sentence, at last,  was warming my heart in the middle of snowy day.

My mom said every person who has achieved mastery has started their journey to expertise by feeling stupid. By feeling green, you know that you need to learn more. To read more. To exercise more.
And I know that, understand that very well.

But, as an ordinary human, I also think “Oh come on, why it took so long for me to master this?”

Then sometimes, I started to complain… to make a question to God “Why you didn’t bless me mmmmm…. more?”
Silently, become more and more ungrateful human being.

Now, in this point, I realize something…
To be success in studying, you are not only need to focus learn about any specific subject…
but also you need to learn about patience
also need to learn about time management
also need to cheer yourself up when you feel down
also need to smile
also need to…. accepting your self.

In the end, it is more like a process to be a humble person. To learn that “Hei, you are not such a super human”,
to learn that we are not perfect, we will always do some mistakes, we need other people to help, and we always have a chance to stand up again and again and again every time we fall.
In the end, it is about a process to develop our maturity.

In my life, I am already got 3 new year cards from my professor… it means I entered my third year working with him, learn from him. It is my third year to study far from home, just bringing a huge box of my family’s dreams and hopes.
In these period of time, I never forget every single words they already said to me.
I believe, in a certain point in the future, I will make them smile and proud of me 🙂

I know I can make it, it is my promise… witnessed by the snow
absorbed by the earth…
Hopefully, delivered and heard to the God.

Is it”useless” to be a good reader [?]

Language is to be spoken not to be read. That’s what my friend said to me. Very “motivational”

Then it become the worst news for a person like me. I just learn new language because (at first) I really want to read books :’D
I get bored with my English and Indonesian books, then I started to buy French books…
then in Japan I found lots of interesting magazine and books, so I started to buy them and read them.
Am I able to speak Japanese or French fluently? no, not at all 😦

my lovely magazines and a nice electronic dictionary I got from second hand shop :p


And because I don’t really like speaking and very quiet, so at first I feel that’s not such a big deal. I mean, I have books I really want to read, everything are set, and perfect!
Until I am working in one research center in Japan, and I feel sad because I can’t communicate very well with them except by e-mail!
Yes I can read their e-mail… (well beside there is also very kind, nice, and handy google translate)
but when it comes to speaking? A…A….I….I….E….E….

Arrrghhhhhh~~~

It slaps me a lot when I failed on my Japanese proficiency test. I just got “A” in reading, but the other? pfffftt…..
And I just fail by ONE SCORE! Yes, one score!!! So I assumed, maybe…., I got perfect in reading but somehow die in listening and so on. But fail just by lack of one score is nothing but kill you so much.
So, if you want to learn a new language now, here… I will give you a very wise suggestion DO NOT START FROM READING!

No, no… close your novel now… go outside, and speak! speak! speak!
今から話しましょう!
読書は便利ですが、日常の中であまり役に立たない

The problem is, I am so afraid if I am talking in such not polite way hahhahhaa. Working as researcher makes me communicate with professors more often. And it is intimidate me so much, I can’t talk to them in such casual daily conversation 😱

To be honest sometimes I feel envy with my friends who have better auditory skill, that’s  more convenient if you want to learn language. I think I am very visual person, I can remember everything I see and read. I feel like avatar now, already learn 2 elements: wind and water, but still zero in mastering fire and earth.

Well, cheer up Marissa

Keep your head up…. In my office there is a “theme song” for us, it always sing by our choir club every year. The title is 何度でも(なんどでも).

The refrain part if the song is:

10000回(かい)だめでかっこ悪(わる)くても
10001回目(かいめ)は何(なに)か変(か)わるかもしれない

If I am not mistakenly translate it (and you always can doubt my translation 😋): even if you already fail for 10000 times, and it makes you look so bad, keep trying because in the 10001st trials, something will change and it will be better.

That’s my tafsir version hahhahaha. But it motivates me very much. 

I remember my dad told me “Kak, if someday you feel tired for what you already fight for, just try again before you decide to give up. Just try again and again until even God impressed with what you are doing”

World, good luck 🤗